How do I see myself? Do I look in the mirror and see my faults, past sins, shame, guilt? Do I look into the mirror, deep into the window of my soul through my eyes, and see the fingerprints of my Daddy God, Creator of the universe? Do I see Him in whose image I am created? That’s what I should see – that’s what I want to see – because that is how He sees me. And, how I BELIEVE He sees me is of the utmost importance! Do I believe He is a GOOD Father? Do I believe that if I were the only person alive, He would have still given up His one and only SON for me?
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
It was very subtle, subconscious almost, but I now know that I didn’t used to believe that He was a good Father, and I certainly had no concept of His infinite and INDIVIDUAL LOVE for ME. I could wrap my brain around His love for mankind – the millions – but not just for little old me. Yes, I sang the songs growing up in church, and I knew that I loved Jesus. I remember clearly the sweet moment I knelt by the couch in our home as my mom lead me to invite Jesus into my heart. But, as life marched on, there was hurt, there was poor decisions, bad relationships, which all weighed on me as toxic shame, occupying so much of my mind. Thoughts would swirl – if He is such a good father, why would He allow these painful events in my life? If He loved me, why would He let this happen to me? This was NOT supposed to be the way my life turned out.
If you are a parent, you may understand the love, compassion, excitement, anticipation -bursting at the seams of His heart as he watches you, His child, learn, grow, achieve, fail, reach a milestone, make a good decision, make a poor decision, be hurt, be loved, hurt someone else…
It doesn’t matter what the subject matter is; as a parent, I just enjoy watching all of it and find my heart bursting with joy when my child is excited or happy for achieving something or for reaching a milestone. I didn’t think of God feeling this way towards me because I didn’t see Him as a Good Father.
I wish more words would come to my mind and spill through my fingers onto the page of how this FEELS – there’s what only my heart can feel, and my mind has not enough capacity to put into words.
Our hearts have infinitely more capacity to understand than our minds do.
– @BillJohnson (paraphrased)
As I continued to walk out my relationship with Jesus, He graciously imparted to me experiential KNOWLEDGE, placed it deep down in my heart, that He does love ME, as an individual, that I am His child and that I matter to Him. I’m still learning and growing in that truth, nurturing it as a tree planted by a river bank. (Psalm 1: 2-3.)
I want that tree to grow and bear rich, beautiful, ripe fruit. I desperately want others to experience the knowledge of WHO HE IS! It changes a person. I’m convinced. I’ve said it many times to individuals and I’ve said it when I have honored to share my testimony, that I am a different person. I may never be able to prove it scientifically, but I know that my DNA is forever changed with the UNDERSTANDING of WHO HE IS. I’ll never be the same. It changes how I see myself when I look in that mirror. It changes the perspective that I have when I view the world. It re-centers my position as I look at a situation. I see it differently. Because of what I think about God. It truly is the most important thing about me, Mr. Tozer.
I’m choosing to trust Him, choosing to believe He is Who He says He is. I Am. I’ve experienced a measure and I want more of Him.